Lots to update.
Brian and I are probably on the outs, I'm not surprised. I didn't really think it was going anywhere anyway. He's not dumping me, it's kind of a mutual thing. It's just a realization . That, for the most part, is his issue, apparently. There may be another factor or two, for instance, he may be looking for someone who is capable of giving him a hand up in this world, and frankly, I'm in no position to do that. That also is one of the reasons why I'm not really wanting to be with him anymore. I just don't want to really get emotionally entrenched with anyone who cannot carry their own weight. I'm not a material girl. I don't need someone who can carry me. But I can't be Ms. Moneybags to anyone else. And right now, at least, with winter coming on, he's going to be having a rough time financially. We discussed this openly, and I decided that he just really isn't going to bring anything good to my life in the long run, especially if he can barely carry his own weight.
Beyond that, there is the communication issue. I really don't like the way he talks with me. It's not as open and free flowing as it was with W. He misinterprets me, I misinterpret him. Actually, I don't think I misinterpret him. I think I interpret that he's an eegit, and don't like it. But..whatever. You say tomato...
Just not thrilled with it. However, x'ing him out of my life, means a hole in my social calendar again. And, means severe lack of sex. Which, I don't really like the prospect of. Of course.
So, other than that, been keeping myself busy outside the context of my "it's not really a thang" thing with Brian.
This weekend I went out with him on Friday night, Got pretty trashed, and had a fairly "eh" kind of night. Slept at his house. Then got up and went out to brunch with him which was.."eh". Discovered I don't like Ecuadorian food. Though they do make good milk shakes.
Then, I went apple picking My friend Kathy and I started out going to Salingers orchard which is about a 30-35 minute drive down all these wonderful country roads in westchester and putnam counties of New York. There, we purchased some gourmet food products, and of course, the best cider doughnuts in the whole world, and some wonderful apple cider, too. But Kathy wanted to pick her own apples, so they directed us to Outhouse Orchard (I know the name is awful). There we picked apples, and pears for an hour or so, and sampled some wonderful gourmet foods as well. Then went home.
Then, my friend Scot invited me to join him at a gltb and gltb friendly game night hosted at the Unitarian Church, and I went. We got there, and there was not one single male there, which deeply dissappointed Scot, and gave him a little to chuckle over, since it was all lesbian women. I learned that I can blend in just fine with just about any crowd that I am in . In fact, Scot said I seemed so at ease, that I should just become a Lesbian. He said it sits well on me. Whatever that means. It's just that I don't view these ladies as Lesbians. I view them as WOMEN. Period. I identify with women. Period. That's all. But, neverthe less, Scot said he could see me as a Lesbian, and I had to repeat the statement that I love Penises, love them, love them, love them. It didnt' change his mind though.
Next morning was my Womens Group. I led a guided meditation on being able to savor the sweet moments in life, and it seemed to work really well. Because it did take people quite a while to "come to" after the meditation. That made me feel good. We all shared stories of memories of chocolate, information on the health benefits of chocolate, thoughts on why we seek comfort in chocolate. How we nurture others, and express our love, with chocolate. The metaphysical aspects and magickal properties, of chocolate. It was SO much fun! And of course, there was ALOT Of chocolate being passed around too, which makes it that much better. I can honestly say that I do like the women of this group. I feel a sense of there being a power amongst them. Mind you, this isn't a Pagan Circle. It's a spiritual circle. We don't necessarily perform Magick when we gather together, although we will be next month, when I am leading it. But there is a shimmering sort of power that dwells amongst us, because we are a gathering of women. A support, and understanding. I really do adore them, and being amongst them. I've always struggled in my relationships with other women, have very few close female friends. But here, with this particular group..I feel at home :)
After loading up on so much chocolate, inevitably, I crashed when I got home, and slept all night long.
Then woke this morning, and came to work. I have to wait another MONTH before another group meeting! :(